Off-Site Kitchen

OS2Apparently I am on a burger kick.  It’s all I want – no matter where I go, so the other day I figured I should go check out Offsite Kitchen since, gasp, I was yet to try this one-room burger house that has quickly gained quite the reputation in town.

Right off the bat, I was pissed off when I pulled up.  I have to sit where? Outside?  Ermmm, you must be mistakin’ – it is over 75 degrees.  Not only that but this place was fucking packed.  Of course, this is a good sign but not when you are looking for a place to park in the dirt lot and are already shvitzing like a whore in church with anticipation of lunch.  This place better be good.  Obviously, I was hangry – you know, hungry + angry as I walked through the doors only to be greeted by this:

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Ok, fine – you win, Offsite Kitchen.  Who wouldn’t want Twinkies, Ding-Dongs or beef jerky as a side to their greasy burger?  An ice-cold cooler stocked with Squirt and Tab starred me in the face as I tried to overcome my excitement.  These thing combined are like every child who grew up in the 1980’s porn that they always dreamed would happen in real life.

OS1Remembering that I had come for a burger and not flashbacks to My Little Ponies, Care Bears and TMNT, I stood looking at the menu trying to decipher what was happening on their overwhelming board.  As it often does, I couldn’t decide what to order so I went with the standard cheeseburger and fries…with a side of thousand island coleslaw.  Oh, and a brisket sandwich.  Oops.

Fighting for a spot on one of the picnic benches outside, I anxiously awaited my order.  Just a few minutes later, a glorious site arrived in front of me.  These are just the kind of burgers I would expect from a place like this.  A lightly toasted bun, a slice of cheese that resembled Kraft singles all too much and shredded lettuce – ahhh, perfection!  I fucking love burgers garnished with shredded lettuce.  Is it just me or do they seem to be so much more refreshing and crunchy served this way instead of with a soggy leaf of lettuce?

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I didn’t think it would be possible that the brisket sandwich at Offsite Kitchen would beat out the burgers, but it did.  Served on a hoagie, deliciously seasoned melt-in-your mouth pieces of brisket practically fall on your face.  I would come here any day of the week (during their ridiculously limited business hours) to get my BBQ sandwich fix.

OS7I was less than thrilled with the sides that I got with these incredible sandwiches.  The fries, which I had heard so many wonderful things about, were lacking.  They were fine, but nothing I would lose my mind over which all my friends over at Yelp seem to be doing.   As for the thousand island coleslaw that I had such high hopes for? Bleh.  Now, I am from California where we practically bleed thousand island dressing so perhaps my expectations were too high.  This tasted just like coleslaw to me, maybe a teeny tiny bit sweeter than your standard slaw.  This falls under the category of “never order again” for me and that itself is a huge letdown.

Since it was a burger I was seeking, a delicious one is what I got and I will just try to erase the memory of the fries and coleslaw and pretend that the brisket sandwich can be classified as a side order.  Now, if only they would open for dinner…

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